I am just thinking. God, when am I not. Someone said our ability to think is what makes us human unique from the other creatures in the animal kingdom. I believe then I am just being human. I am thinking: why am I writing a journal entry now while I have so much homework? why am I so lonely in this world, away from my loved ones, my friends, family, country, language and food? Why do I have to be the victim of such suffering and sacrifice? Not that I have any complaints to anyone in particular. My complain is to the circumstance I am in, to the situation of my life. I still dont get the whole point of going to school or college. You still get graded; judged by others in the society for your life. after college the grades become salary. As an artist I feel it is an insult if someone attaches a price tag to ur artwork. Art could not be criticized because it is a form of self expression, People who criticize, they are artists themselves b/c it is their form of self-expression and it rather not affect the actual artist's work.
I am in love (estoy enamorado). Sometime I wish I never was but its only when things are not good b/w us. What an intense feeling it is. You want to forget the whole world and have her under your arms and never let her go. Your happiness depends on her mood - if she is happy you are happy and vice versa. She could make me cry, laugh and turn me on in a matter of second. I have become addicted to anything she possesses and anything she is attached to. I close my eyes I see her and when I open my eyes she is in my thoughts. I am jealous of all the people who see her and talk to her everyday. I am living an incomplete life and her presence completes me. she is the sand of the desert, she is the salt water of the ocean and the blue of the sky. she is the rain, brishti as I admirably call her.
Binod xochil madan manik tapz none of you guys r here either. My bestest frnds... they r living their own life too. I know all of you guys miss me as much as I miss you. Binod: do u remember how we became friends...lol.... I hit on your head with my teapot at sitaram's tea place. It started bleeding you went and complained to your parents about me. They came and complained my mother. My mother took me to your house started beating me up and in the end compelled us to become friends. Since then we have been brothers. Although I hate you most of the time in front of you I love you as much in fact love u way more. I love you because you know me so well, you could look at my eyes and tell me whats goin on, so could I when i look at you. You are as ambitious as me. Remember when we used to talk about our dreams of getting out of the brothel let the world know we are no less. And yes dammit we have done it so far and we will continue.
Xochil what could I tell you. You are as unique as your name. I have no idea how we became friends because I dont make friends in this country perhaps due to the language and cultural barrier. But it was my destiny to meet you and you are undoubtedly my bestest friend. A person who is as eccentric as I am. Someone who calls me a loser and loves me for being one. I still remember the first day when I met you, I had already forgotten your name. I love you because you are like me dont give a fuck about many things. you are a free spirit, of course beautiful, intellectual, humble, caring and an inspirational artist. You love traveling, keep interst in other culture, a very worldly person and very down to earth. But there are also things that I dont like... but those are minor. You are way to amazing to be criticized. If someone actually knows who you are they could never stop loving you in spite of your bitchiness.
Madan you are the most amazing person I know. I have so much respect for you. I know you are crazy at times. you know, the most ingenious people in this world are not normal and that is what make them genius. I think you are one of them. i have never seen another guy who is so emotional. I wish me n you together could sacrifice our lives for the sake of our country. we know how much we love our country and the people we love right? You are the most unselfish person I know and I have learned so much from you. You have made me gain courage and showed me that life is worth more when you live it for others. And, yea i love your chest hair, I am jealous of it lol..........NOT.......lol...I love you!!!! but now its time u start to think about yourself. Cuz sometime you have to be an example to help others...
Manik....muah... u r sexy!!! lol... what could I say salababu...well, you are not innocent anymore. its time you stop thinking about sex. You are too young anyways. Someday you would fall in love like me. And I know for 100% surety you are going to love her more than your life. I love you because you look up to me and I feel thankful to be able to become an example in your life. You are innocent but soon maturing.. you care about your family and I know that you are going to become a very responsible person in the future.
Tapz....lol... I am sorry I always think abt the first nite in calcutta. jokes apart you are the simplest of all my friends. You are very empathetic, beautiful and the nicest person ever. you could live anywhere, eat anything and do anything for a little bit of love. I love how spontaneous you are, you have no shame and you are as clear as a blank page and write your own poem on it. you cry is contagious to me. I still cant believe I met you through myspace. Myspace is awesome and so are you.